Monday, February 23, 2015

Daria's Rantings - P = Polan

*I am posting this tenth ranting as my alter-ego the misanthropic Daria Morgendorffer 

Meet P - not Pan, but looks like Pettigrew from the Harry Potter saga. P = Polan (Polan means ‘So and So’). Polan likened himself to Adonis. “Many girls like me”, “Some don’t even mind being my second, third wives”, “I told them, we can have fun, no strings attached.”… Polan bragged about his fancy cars, his many university degrees, his pedigree (in his society, having both parents as teachers seems a big thing), his affiliations, his golf membership, and how he was headhunted into accepting his current big position.

Blurghh, vomit.

Polan appeared in many newspapers articles and television programmes. Almost like Anderson Cooper (minus the gorgeous bit). What he lacked in height (short) and weight (chubby), he made it up with his seriousness and politician-like mannerisms. According to him, he was invited to have coffee with some politicians hoping to lure him into office. Well, that didn’t materialise. Maybe those politicians had uncovered his dirty laundry.

One day, I was awarded the Prestigious Scholarship (surprise, surprise). At the same time, Polan embarked on his god-knows-number-what degree.

Polan: “I’m very proud of you, you got this incredible opportunity to be in the big league… Education is very important. You know, even though I earned a lot, I have lots of expenses. I can’t afford to pay for my first term’s fees. Could you lend me some money?”

I am one who believed that money shouldn’t be a hindrance to seek knowledge, and I gave him my pound sterlings. Since he promised to pay me back, I parted with my own savings for school so that he could also attend school. How naively kind.

When I was away struggling to make ends meet, I received an email from Polan saying that he had difficulties paying his second term fees and would I be kind enough to transfer some money to him? Again, wanting to help, I did. I thought, I had all the email evidence about the loan and USD wire transfer documents, so there was no way he wouldn’t pay me back.

I was wrong. When I returned home and demanded my money, Polan said, “No, you gave me the money out of your love for me. After all, we were in a relationship…”

WTF. What relationship!? I began hounding him to pay me back. Polan verbally abused me and even spread malicious rumours that I was so in love with him and “she left town broken-hearted because I rejected her”. Since when was the Prestigious Scholarship a back-up plan for a broken heart? I had applied for it long before meeting Polan! 

I threatened to take Polan to the Small Claims Court. He begged me to allow him to pay in instalments. When that didn’t happen, I wanted to lodge a formal complaint. During that period, my mother passed away, and I couldn’t handle any more drama.

Dear Polan,
I have decided not to take you to the Small Claims Court, but to a higher court – God’s Court. I do not forgive you for the hurt you had caused me and the money you owed me. See you in the Hereafter before the Almighty who will definitely punish you.

Polan went berserk and ranted in his emails which I deleted. No point dealing with villains. They will get their just retribution in time. 

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Daria's Rantings - Urukhai & Grinah (con't)

*I am posting this seventh ranting as my alter-ego the misanthropic Daria Morgendorffer 

Although Tolkien was from The Other Place (Oxford), I really like his writings! I was a little jealous when I found out that my friend got his old room at Oxford when he was studying there. I can imagine Tolkien siting on his armchair by the fireplace, reading and scribbling a new story.

Let me now tell you my story of Urukhai and Grinah. I’ve decided to post their horrible faces here (slut-shaming, you say?). Yes, no more Ms. Nice. The war commenceth.

Grinah is Urukhai’s slave. It reports to Urukhai. This Head Goblin runs the whole establishment, instructing other goblins to do its bidding. Grinah is shameless and believes it is invincible. The unscrupulous Grinah has enemies in the realm who until now, are waiting for Grinah to pay them for their services. Grinah aligns itself with other more popular goblins hoping to one day take over Urukhai’s position. Grinah appears to be passive-aggressive to confuse its followers. Grinah once conspired with the Pigs in Space to kill my beloved Ent in Fangorn Forest.

Urukhai seems like a very capable Orc leader. Apparently Sauron has utmost praises and trust in the fearless Urukhai. Due to its many responsibilities, Urukhai depended on Grinah to take care of the goblin world, thus giving Grinah that delusion of grandeur that Grinah is the real leader. Urukhai doesn’t meet Grinah often. But when it does, Grinah would mask all problems as if they were not his doings. Urukhai is not known for its diplomatic skills. It micro-manages every creature, even instructing them where they should stand in line. Once, during the battle of Mendki, more than 30 orcs/goblins quit Urukhai’s army. Some grand leader Urukhai is.


As with all fairy tales, legends, and myths, Good will always triumph over Evil. If a mortal Bard the Bowman could kill the great dragon Smaug, so could I defeat Urukhai and Grinah. Although cunning, Grinah is a coward at heart. And though Grinah is loyal and obsequious, it secretly loathes Urukhai. Urukhai is but a big bully who uses its power and fierce fa├žade to intimidate others. Well, ‘beautiful creatures’, I am not afraid. Get ready for the battle of the century.

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Daria's Rantings - Little Miss Bossy

*I am posting this ninth ranting as my alter-ego the misanthropic Daria Morgendorffer 




I know what you are thinking. Doesn't Daria meet nice people at all? Surely there are some nice people left in her town.

The truth is, there are as many nice people as there are horrible people. Unfortunately, the latter made their presence known through their 'loud' demeanour.

For example, my old school mate, Little Miss Bossy (LMB) or Lamb.




Lamb was hardworking, very smart (the smartest girl I knew then), competitive and generous. We didn't really compete with each other. My mother was keen that I compete with this other smart girl in school - Cecilia Wong. I wonder what Cecilia Wong is doing now.


Anyway, Lamb was the apple of many teachers' eyes. I was one of her good friends, and I had actually enjoyed her company. Then, Lamb and I went our separate ways. We met again in high school but we were never truly close, especially after Lamb became a scientist. Me? I was drifting along in the sea of life. 

Long story and many years fast forward, Lamb reunited with me again. It was pleasant but I noticed certain traits that became heightened in adulthood. Lamb was intolerable, mean, controlling, materialistic and impatient. "No, you must hold the camera this way.", "Didn't you know Boston traffic? You lived here!", "You're lazy', "All my friends wear branded goods", "Your bag is the lowest of the branded goods category", "Cambridge is not that great, you know", "I can also write a book, it's not that hard.", "You think you're so great?" blah blah blah. 

I was miserable and blamed myself for all the weaknesses that she pointed out in me. Wait a minute, perhaps Lamb has a narcissistic personality disorder. This I came to conclude after talking to some unhappy people who had crossed path with Lamb. One of them almost married her! 


Lamb's laboratory technicians adored her. I heard she frequently went on expensive holidays with one of them. Lamb's parents are too meek to scold her for her mistakes. She could basically get away with murder. Lamb likes to throw extravagant parties for our friends (I am now excluded) who would never argue with her. And yes, she flaunted those photos on FB for others to envy.

Well, Lamb, you might be able to buy 'friends' and popularity using your status and wealth but you cannot buy my friendship. True friends don't demean one another. As for me, there is no love lost.

Friday, February 20, 2015

Daria's Rantings - Blob

*I am posting this eighth ranting as my alter-ego the misanthropic Daria Morgendorffer

I know, I know, I haven't finished my seventh ranting... but hey, I met Blob today and I really must rant. Urukhai and Grinah have to wait.

The meeting with Blob went bleah. Oh Blob. You truly lived up to your name! I was deceived by your bubbly nature, your warm (albeit gooey) hugs and conviction to your political party (Long Live the Wombats!). So we hung out, and we even helped out at the homeless pit. I thought, despite your err... big size, you seemed quite nice. I wonder, why did you change jobs as often as your Jelly-O treatment? Your loyalty to the Wombats also changes with the Elections. Hmm...


Anyway, we heard that Blob was in trouble. Blob was conned by a Monster from the Crypt. You know that hairy creature from the scary tombs buried deep in the desert sand. Gasp! Even though Blob was never a close friend, well, we should always help our monster-in-need, nicht wahr? And that we did. We sought the help of the respected and wise Gandalf who, as usual, dispensed sound advice on how to help Blob. 


Blob grew angry and went into denial mode. Blob's already bulging eyes pierced out menacingly. Blob spurted sludge, hurling dirt and grit. "I now know who my real friends are!" shouted Blob in an irritating raspy slur. Yes, Blob, Real Friends tell you the truth even though it hurts as they care about you. Fake Friends, on the other hand, would just let you carry on with your wrongdoings and delusions. But Blob went on blabbing abuses, attacking us with slimy, low blows that would make Muhammad Ali shake his head in embarrassment. How, you ask? Blob shouted to the three of us, "You! I didn't ask you why you never had kids even after trying the IVF. You! I never bothered asking you why you are still jobless. And You, the highly educated one but with a low mentality, I didn't ask you why you are still single. No wander all the men don't want to marry you!" blah blah bleah.


Blob, do know that being childless, being jobless (not because one didn't try but jobs are hard to come by nowadays, and oh yes, the jobless one actually lent you, the one with the job, some money when you needed it. Hah!) and being single are NOT criminals acts? But being in a sham of a marriage that are both illegal and forbidden by your religion are criminal. And don't threaten us if our actions will bring your monster-from-the-crypt-con-artist 'husband' and the priest who 'legitimised' the unholy union in trouble. Same logic applies - one must report a heroin dealer to the authorities, nicht wahr? Ahh, the arrogance and ignorance. How much lower could a Blob sink into?


No point helping one who doesn't want to help itself. Better bail out before Blob engulf me in slime, glob, mucus, and God knows whatever bacteria it carries. Yucks.

Friday, February 13, 2015

Peanut Butter

It's ironic that my first blog post for 2015 is a Not-For-Valentine-Day's story. The last few months of 2014 and January 2015 kept me so busy that I almost abandoned this blog (yea, I have other websites and FB to update). Then, as I was going through my documents in my computer, I came across File: Fou. What was that? I opened it and voila... scribblings from 2 years ago.

Yep. We all have been 'fou' many times... (*Fou = Crazy en francais) 

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Charlie Brown once said that nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love. Well-said Charlie Brown, except that ...
1. I don't really fancy peanut butter.
2. I'm beginning to believe that epic love (and the unrequited bit) only exists in movies like The Vampire Diaries.

Me disillusioned? I'd rather work on something tangible than put in ALL that effort in relationships only to find my heart shred to pieces. Despite some hurtful experience and disappointment with men, I told myself that I just haven't met my Prince Charming yet. Although I got excited knowing that about 20 guys on Romance@UCam find me attractive, I've more or less given up in meeting my soul mate. Sure whatever.

Last Sunday evening, I met up with someone who is working on a similar project as I am. Let's call him Chong Beng (my imaginary friend in my Gedung Kuning book). Although it was not a date but a brief chat over tea, I felt a little nervous. Sure we attended the same school and had the uncanny coincidence of almost going to the same US graduate school, employment office etc. but our paths didn't cross until that evening. During the conversation, we found out that we had the same supervisor at university. Ahh, I did remember my professor telling me about Chong Beng and how we should get in touch to discuss our research interest. 

So we met for the first time, talked (I talk too much, I know. He was probably taken aback by my venting-against-the-unfair-political-system) and if either one of us was nervous, it definitely didn't show. It seemed as if we had been friends. It felt comfortable. I found Chong Beng to be nice, humble, gentlemanly and of course his Ivy-league education and international exposure certainly shined through in our discussion. Sure he could do with a better haircut and lose that little tummy, but as we walked towards the porch, I actually smiled when I saw that he stood at a kissable height.



Damn, I think I'm crushing a bit (*blush). Sorry Prof, I don't think it'd have worked out (assuming that there is even any interest on his part). We're from two different worlds and a boy like that... well, would have already been spoken for. Don't mind me while I eat that peanut butter and watch The Vampire Diaries.