Monday, February 22, 2010

I dreamt of Emak

Last night, my father hit a car and all of us were stressed up...

What with all other matters weighing heavily in my head and heart, I suddenly dreamt of Emak. Emak picked me up in her car (she couldn't drive when she was alive) and I was gushing with happiness to see her. I hugged her and asked her for forgiveness. 

Emak then told me to wait with Hadi while she looked for something in the building. After a long while, we went to look for her. Someone told us Emak was hospitalised. We ran to the hospital (I didn't even care that I was barefooted). I saw Emak on the bed surrounded by some female relatives. Emak then hugged and kissed me, and told me how proud she was of her scholarly daughter. And as though she could sense the problems I was facing, she said, "Leave it to Allah."

I woke up crying. I miss my beloved mother, Asia Jofrie.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Dr Hidayah Amin?

Last year during the holy month of Ramadan, I had the strangest dream. I was talking to my late mum (Emak) and complaining about how my father didn't care about me but gave his attention to my brother. Emak just smiled and then my late grandma (Nenek) came towards us carrying a crying baby.

Nenek: Cik Idah, pls help. The baby is in pain.
Me: How? I don't know what to do.
Emak: You must help this poor baby... Please!
I discovered that the baby had mouth ulcer. I took a scalpel and with the skilful hands of a surgeon, I removed the ulcer and the baby was fine! Both Emak and Nenek beamed with happiness and then Nenek took me by the hand and said...
NenekCome, let's go....
Me: What's this place?
Emak: This was Dr Aziz's free clinic for the poor villagers. But since Dr Aziz has passed away, the clinic felt into ruins. Now it's used as den for cock gambling. It's so sad.
Nenek:Even the kids are sacred of those fierce fighting cocks which chased after them every time they passed by.
Me: Don't worry, when I become a doctor, I'll monitor my clinic with my own eyes.

I woke up in a sweat. Oh God! Was this a sign for me to go to medical school and become a doctor? I decided to use the remaining money in my Wachovia account and make that tedious applications to Harvard and Yale again (last attempt).

Still no news from the schools so I suppose it's yet another rejection. Emak & Nenek, pls don't be disappointed. I've really tried my best (Kaplan classes in NYC, strong recommendation letters from academics and medical practitioners, my volunteer work at St Luke's Hospital in Bethlehem etc). It's more painful for me as this has been my childhood dream. We can plan but ultimately, it's God who decides. I guess, I'll be heading for Cambridge instead...

Saturday, February 20, 2010

The Eagle and the Wolf - Part 5

Many have asked me about the Eagle and the Wolf... Any continuation? Any plans to make it into a short book? Pls Hidayah, we want to read more!

As the eagle flies back to the canyon, Prairie Rose gets wind of the hyena which wrecks havoc and of the wolf whose seemingly sincere eyes speak of an unspoken secret... 

Suddenly Demon Wind burst into a tempest and the animals and plants stood still, afraid to breath. The tempest swirls throughout the canyon, its ferocious sound brings devastating news.

O God of Heaven, Prairie Rose whispers. How can the hyena do such a thing to her own flock? Oh how devastating for the eagle to hear the news from the hummingbird? And why is the wolf angry at the eagle for her warnings about the hyena? Doesn't the wolf know that the eagle's instinct is among the finest? Has the wolf forgotten their story, of what the eagle had done for the wolf, and of what she was willing to sacrifice for him? Or... Prairie Rose's petals suddenly quiver, has the wolf been playing games with the eagle all these while?

The tempest rages on. But it is nothing compared to the hurt and disappointment that are brewing in the eagle's heart...

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Here's to many more mugs!

Just when I was about to pick up those broken pieces, I received another email from Cambridge. Oh my God... (*uttered in the same tone as Angela did when she saw Bella with Edward in Twilight). There's a new Cambridge girl in town! :) So, it'll be MPhil first; and then PhD. I'm sure it'll be worth all that punting! 

Of course, my brother Hadi asked me if it's medicine I'll be studying at Cambridge...
Well, come October, I hope to buy more of those mugs which my mother said I could...
But how about the funding for Cambridge? Argghhh....

Cambridge's Motto: Hinc lucem et pocula sacra (From this place, we gain enlightenment and precious knowledge)

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Broken mugs, broken dreams

I remember many years ago, I was in the kitchen with Emak (Mum) washing dishes after lunch. Suddenly, my Cambridge mug (with all the colleges' logos printed on it) fell and broke.

Me: Oh no, I really love this mug! I bought it in Cambridge...
Emak: It's ok... When you study in Cambridge, you can buy lots of mugs to replace this one.
Me: But Cambridge is one of the best universities in the world... it's so hard to get in...
Emak:Have you even applied? Then how do you know you won't get in?

Oh Emak, you're always encouraging and confident of my abilities! When she passed away, and when my medical school dream seems so unattainable, I remember the broken mug conversation and applied for the PhD programme at Cambridge. But alas... I received the rejection email last night :(

Shocked, sad and disappointed. I was eagerly looking forward to learn under my supervisor Dr Tim Harper. I was so excited about the dissertation that I wanted to do. Oh well, no new mugs for me now. I guess I'll have to pick up those broken pieces and think...